Tuesday, May 5, 2009

United Nations Kneels in Submission to Israel Coercion

The United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, the Harvey Milquetoast (someone who whines about not getting respect) of the world body, on Tuesday said a damning UN report on Israel's conduct in its recent offensive against Hamas in the Gaza Strip was not legally binding…and in fact, they just wrote it as an internal exercise in case Israel’s defense forces ever really did anything wrong in the future…they would know how to write one without offending anybody.

The "practice" UN report accuses the Israel Defense Forces of deliberately firing at UN institutions as well as using disproportional force and causing unnecessary harm to civilians. “Death is actually only slightly more serious than an injury”, General Ban said and he “had no intention of seriously insinuating otherwise”.

Israel had rejected the make believe report Tuesday as being "tendentious" and "patently biased." General Ban agreed that 150 Israeli casualties equal 7000 Palestinian casualties because as everyone knows a Palestinian only equals 2% of an Israeli.

An interesting side note to this ratio was a side negotiation about the release of the Israeli soldier, Gilad Shalit. The Israeli minister admitted Hamas had agreed to release the soldier based on that ratio, but stated: “We think we can get a better deal if we wait. After all, he is young”.

General Ban got down on his knees and made the comments in the special, kiss ass letter he agreed to attach to the make believe UN report after the humiliating arm twisting by Israeli Foreign Ministry director-general Yossi Gal, who traveled to New York on Monday for coercive meetings with Ban's aides on the matter.

Ban also commended the Israel Defense Forces for its close coordination with the world body during the 3-week operation, as well as the cooperation given by Israel with the report's authors. He said his representatives were holding meetings with the Israeli government so that any future reports would first be submitted to Israel for proper editing and added that he was sorry the Israel minister had been offended by the garlic odor on his breath.

The Israeli Foreign Minister noted that immediately upon the conclusion of Operation Cast Lead, the codename for the operation, Israel carried out independent, behind the closed doors of a dark basement, inquiries into the damage caused to the UN installations.
The secret report concluded that since the size of the Hamas military is estimated at 20,000 men, Israel’s destruction of 22,000 Gaza buildings was well within acceptable perimeters.

Regarding damage to UN installations: It said the findings of those inquiries proved "beyond doubt" that the IDF did not intentionally fire at all of the 50 UN installations in Gaza which suffered extensive damage and in which many children, patients and staff were wounded and killed.

“Contrary to the world’s opinion of the IOF, I mean the IDF, we are among the worst shots in the world.” To paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld, he said: “We just do the best we can with what we have to work with”.

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